tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Randomize
