his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
