No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
operation have a gay friend backfired
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
