I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
