Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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