And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
soo... how was my night?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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