I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
