The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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