everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
