I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
