i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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