I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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