these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
