The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
