I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
