Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
