who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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