I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
where are my eyebrows?
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