watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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