Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
