her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
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