dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
