And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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