We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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