She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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