All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
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