then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
