get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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