I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
