I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
