Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
