too bad you live with your parents still
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
