Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Randomize
