i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
