Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
