Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
