You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
