Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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