I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We're not piercing ourselves today.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Randomize
