I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
