update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
