Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
