i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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