Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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