She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
