He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
