FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
