Your tits are I can't wait for
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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