I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
