been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
