I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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