dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Randomize
