you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
